The clinical side of me needs to report that I have a rash on my arm that is itching like crazy and yesterday I was so super bitchy I could not see straight.
That said nothing I can research can attribute either of these to the coffee bean. The only thing I can think is that they are toted as being a bit dehydrating so I am going to increase my water intake today, alot and see if that makes a difference.
I know that being dehydrated can cause you to be bitchy but it was intense I didnt want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to sleep.
Well, I know where a part of that came from. I went to the dr for my test results on Thursday.
So, I am not diabetic, my organs are all working perfectly and my vitamin levels are exemplary. SO why am I so tired and foggy? well, there was one indicator. My "C reactive Protein" in my blood is at 14. The high end of normal is 4 and they really dont like to see any in there at all.
SO what does that mean? It means I need my honorary MD because now they are looking for which auto immune disease I have. Just like I have been saying for the past 5 years.
My phantom syndrome (which I will going forward refer as my imagination until they tell me otherwise) could be to blame for the rash on my arm too, I have no way of knowing. I am not giving it too much thought actually.
But I wonder if it wasn't the psychological knowing that there is indeed something happening in my body and I am going to have to go through a battery of tests ( again) to sort it out.
I think that may have been the cause of my super bitchy frankly.
That and I was very over peopled. There were people in my kitchen until 830 and I really wanted them frankly to go away.
All I wanted to do last night ( and currently ) was curl up or go adventuring with D. I would whine and bitch but I have a theory that it just propagates the bitchiness if I do and that it likely brings more into my life.
I do not need a case of "Mulder's Monday". If you dont watch Xfiles forget the reference it would take too much to explain.
So I am tackling my Saturday now, reveling in the fact that it is 930 am and I am still in my pajamas.
My best girlfriends birthday tonight so we are going out to pub crawl, listen to some live music and have a little fun.
I wish I had more energy, I wish like you would not believe that I wanted to jump right up from the computer and take over my house, groom my dog, clean my fish tank and be a super human.
All I want to do is sleep, I wont because I have to throw a birthday party for 2 kids with my family but man between you , me and the internet I am so tired of being tired.
I am going to do a little research though and see what kind of changes I can make to my diet and to my life to help combat whatever is going on.
I frankly refuse to give in and be "sick" that is the one thing that will always be the downfall of a person.
I am walking, talking, breathing. I am here.
I have so much to be grateful for. I have a beautiful family, I am in love with a fantastic man, I have talent and ambition, I have a body that works even if it isn't to my satisfaction sometimes, but the body is a miracle machine and I do not believe there is anything out there that cannot be at least helped if not healed with the mindset and knowledge to do so.
I could rage and rant right now I could just flip shit at the irritation I feel for being so run down, especially when I have the chemical proof to know that I have done everything right to heal my vitamin levels and to get my systems in perfect working order. I am silly healthy except for my phantom whatever it is.
fuck fuck fuck
I am irritated and I do not want to spend another single day thinking about all the ways this sucks so I am venting now, fuck fuck super fuck.
no seriously fuck this. I am not going to accept this. I am going to fix it.
By the way no change in weight so far.