Thursday, October 24, 2013

The will to NOT spend

I need to vent. So I have some money for the first time in I do not know how long. I want to spend it, all of it. I mean I really just keep thinking of all the fun I would have if I ran out right now and went on a spree. It sounds silly because I want to get out of debt yadda yadda. This is where I always run into problems. I can justify it in a zillion ways. I deserve it blah blah. So I am blogging to keep myself from doing just that. I do not need anything. I am trying hard to pretend that I have nothing as usual. I have freed myself from one visa. Thankfully it does not exist any more and I have managed to get the other to a place where there is acutally money open on it. I know what it is. The same mentality I think must happen to a starving person when they suddenly have food. They over do it. I had my spurge last night I can NOT do it again. I know this game I know how fast it goes. I need to sort out how to become addicted to saving it. I need to sort out how to appriciate the fact that it is there for things that I acutally need, or even want, if I want them for a decent amount of time. So far in an hour I have mentally spent 200 on things that I could just run out and get. NO NO NO. So I am saying I wont do it. I will function until my pay day just like I was, as if nothing is there!!! I just may have to talk myself off the ledge a few times.

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