Wednesday, July 24, 2013

The security of stuff. (yes I need 6 pairs of sunglasses)

I often love the way that things fall into place in my life. I have been toying around with the idea of "decluttering" for about the last 5 years.  In that time I have managed to replace most of what I have parted with and not replaced any of the funds I used to buy them.

Hard lesson, buying second hand because its a good deal does not

a) justify spending what you dont have

b) buy happiness.

So I would ask myself why? Frankly I dont think there is too much deep psychology here. I have been very financially bad off. "stuff"  means it can't be that bad. "Stuff" means instant gratification and distraction from the fact that life can be hard.

I have managed to collect a whole lot of "stuff". 

 The extra weight I carry around, the debt I carry around and the "stuff" I carry around have become mental chains, there is always something pulling at me. 

Getting back to the point I had started to make, It is interesting how things find me when I need them though, I have been working on purging ( half heartedly) for the last few weeks. Managed to get a few bags of clothes gone, managed to lose a few lbs being careful about what I have been eating, and managed to mostly quit smoking. All of this had put me in a perfectly foul mood. Yesterday I was hot, cranky, hungry, wanted a smoke, and pissed at the world as I had 9.00 to my name. 

I guess if I am being technical I have -198.00 as one of my accounts is overdrawn 207.00.  

In any case I was in a perfectly foul mood. I had tried to get gas on the way up to see D as I was running on fumes. I knew I had a whopping 9.00 to put in the tank and when gas is at 1.39 /ltr that does not go very far at all. I could not use my air conditioning because it uses extra fuel and it was going to be tight as it was.
 I got the the gas station and my bank card would not work. No matter what I did. I got back in my car to avoid setting fire to the gas station and limped up to see D.

So, as it turned out, I had a great night. We managed food and it finally started to cool off, then we watched a documentary about a person who managed 31 days on nothing, simply the kindness of strangers via craigslist. It was a great social experiment but it also got me thinking.
Having nothing is complete freedom.

I do not mean having nothing and suffereing for it., I simply mean that the mental chains I have are only there because I put them there. I am not suffering really for the fact that I am broke and I am indebt. Those are both things that acutally I can do something about.

I am not suffering for the fact that I have too many things, I am not suffering for the fact that I have been really fortunate in eating whatever I wanted to gain extra weight. 

I am not suffering for these things, but I do not want or need them either. I have been half heartedly trying to declutter my life for years. For the first time I feel very excited about doing exactly that. I am working with little goals each day not huge ones. 

Today my goals are to Junk out my purse, throw out old purses I dont use, clean the desk drawers at work ( yeah been here 6 months and I am already hoarding stuff ). Cash in the foriegn coins in my purse for canadian coins, and eat well.

Emotional goal for the day, Try not to yell at my mother (or the kid) or gripe at her.

We all cope with stress differently.  I tend to be very solitary. I stay inside my head until I have sorted out a plan of action and then I come out all bells and whistles with my fabulous new plan!

I am all bells and whistles today but with a more solid resolve than I have felt in a long time. It is just time to clean up some things in my life.

Accepting (really accepting) that even with the responsibilities in my life I am ultimatly just free is huge for me. I have saddled myself for a long time with mental chains but today for the first time in a long time I feel light and happy.  I am sure that I will have days when it gets to me, but even that part is ok because I have a person to talk to and he gets its.

Life is looking up today. I am very excited to continue toward my goal of getting rid of all the life clutter.

No comments:

Post a Comment