Well I was fantastic yesterday until I wasn't. I tried to go to bed at about 11 and found myself tossing and thinking and all together losing it and finally texting D.
Life just got to me, too much financial pressure, too many expectations and the feeling of having to shoulder it all alone. But I didn't have too, that part was nice. Finally fell asleep at about 230. I feel better today, I think I must have slept really soundly. I have not had a good old fashioned meltdown in a long time. I think I do not often give myself permission because to give in to it is to acknowledge that I feel a little helpless in some respects.
I spent a few hours last night with a friend Heather, she is the one who is losing her mom slowly. It always gets me talking about past loss and I think that puts my head in a funny spot anyway.
In the end though, I fell asleep feeling lighter and connected to D, even via text I felt close and safe. I guess that is more than something.
Its friday though! and I have lost another pound. Going to see D tonight and take pictures earlier in the evening. Those are things to look forward too.