Friday, July 19, 2013

Day 1... could be worse... ( i think)

SO they need to make nicotine inhalers stronger. They need to make them with more or something.. as I type through my leg bouncing under the desk . I have survived today so far. That is likley because I keep telling myself that I am simply transitioning back to where I was before when I could smoke casually and that there is just a little process I have to go through first.

If I believe its bad, then it will be bad but If I can believe that its not so bad then I should be ok.  The hardest thing to admit is I wish smoking was not bad for you. I like to smoke, always have. Yep I think it looks cool, I think its soothing, I like to blow smoke rings and I like to smoke when I drink coffee, sit in my car, or have a "drink". I would love to say that I did not like any of those things but I would be a liar.

Sadly I like the idea of being healthier better. Oh and I like the concept that I just gave myself a 300 dollar a month raise.

hardest part with today is I am really dizzy. I get the science. I am getting more oxegen than I was. but I really am lightheaded. Acutally would like to just curl up on a couch in comfy clothes with tea and D not feel the need to chat really but just to be. I guess its a comfort zone. I will get a handle on this . I will be fine.

I am in control of this.. not the addiction. * chews on inhaler, licks nicotine cartridge*... no really I'm fine.

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