Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Happiness Project day 16,17,18,19... Venting.

OK Karma.. not cool!
I am going to pull my skin off and not because it might look neat. I am so tired of ITCHING!  I am exhausted from the mental energy it takes not to scratch myself bloody, and I have been waking up in the morning finding that I have done exactly that!

It was pretty hard to be cranky yesterday though, the sun was out and I spent the afternoon wandering around with D, chatting, taking pictures, then some hours on the deck listening to CBC and more chatting. It was full of Cider and bliss. I was full of Cider and antihistamines, this added to the bliss, and provoked the last drunk post.  Its the times that I do things like that post that I wish maybe I censored a little. Ah well.

I am trying to change gears and focus on things other than my health right now, I can not do anything until I get test results back so time to focus hard on other things.

1) digging out the guitar tonight.  Its time that I really learned how to play the way I want too and give her a name.

2) I am on financial strike. I am going to get  my nails done today but after that I am seriously on financial strike. This save money on take out thing has been working fairly well, I am going to take it one step farther. I am way to quick to offer to buy things, I might actually have money to pay off my credit cards if I would just save it a little more. The exception to this rule is going to be Freeday.

One thing on my mind is that I feel I have lost my ability to write well the last few months. I am usually a very good wordsmith. I am great with conversation, I just think maybe I am over thinking what I am writing a little.

Over thinking is at the root of my biggest goal this year. I believe I mentioned it before but I have refined the point a little.
I mentioned earlier that I wanted to be less afraid and more open. To knock down emotional walls.

 I had no idea how I was going to do that, but I have a better idea now. I am pretty sure I have to continually do things that make me nervous. One of the biggest challenges I have is knowing when to be quiet.  Just to be contrary another one is knowing when I should say what is on my mind. . Some things are going to require more thought that others i am sure but for the most part I think it holds true.  I also think I am going to read solely human interest stories for the next year. No non fiction ( aside from " Written in my hearts own blood"  which is due out this year and I would not miss for the world.) 

All just thoughts rolling around in my head today.. a little fuzzy on antihistamines... but   I am serious about the financial strike. All but freeday I am so done spending a dime.


p.s. I got a flower yesterday.. first flower since I was 28. Total happiness!

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