Friday, April 26, 2013


I need to vent. I am so frustrated. I am three months into my training at work and I feel like I am not learning anything. There is only so much I can learn via training courses and I do not seem to be getting the exposure to the job that I need  via the rest of my team . I can not say much more than that as I don't want to sound off too badly but the thing is I am a driven person professionally. I worked really hard to get this shot. I do not want to be just mediocre. I want to be extraordinary. I am doing all things that I can on my own to accomplish that but there are pieces of it that I need my  team to help me out with. RRG!

I love my job, I love that I work for a fantastic company that I can not say one bad thing about. They are very very good to me. I just have goals for myself and I am not a person that was blessed with alot of patience in some respects of life.

I can hear the voice in my head telling me to take a breath, do what I can, voice my concerns and just keep doing everything I can do in the mean time.

I really want to go back to the branch I came here from. They are hungry, they are driven for success in a way that I have not encountered before. I fit there.

Anyways true to my nature I will continue to make the best of it and keep haunting them like a bad smell to teach me.

I know that ultimately it is up to me, but it would be nice if they were as eager to teach as I am to learn!

Glad its Friday.  Going to see D tonight and I get to spend basically the whole weekend with him. I am pretty excited for that. He definitely brings peace into my world when it seems chaotic. Things slow and stop and I am able to leave all the stress of my life at the door when I am with him. Funny thing is I am sure he has no idea that he does that for me.

I have not been doing the 5.00 a day the last few weeks, I have not had it , so I am focused on another thing. Me, my weight, my health. Trying to sort out my itchy skin and picking one corner of my psyche to examine each day. Today apparently that is my attitude toward my job.

I have been frustrated and so I have been in a " fuck it" sort of mentality. I do that to myself and it never gets me anywhere. The thing is I work well under pressure, there is no pressure its so laid back .  Sounds like a crazy thing to bitch about but if something seems easy to me I lose interest.

The job is not easy but right now the days are and they are just slipping by me. I feel like I am in school and thinking again " oh well as long as I pass the exam I'm good". NO! I  have dreams that haunt me from those days and I am not going to watch the people that are excellent at this and think about how I am smarter than they are and I could be doing that.

OK ... rant done.. looking forward to wine and being a Snunkie tonight. I need it!.

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