Tuesday, March 19, 2013

My Happiness Project Part 1 Day 8

40.00 in the bank!. I was reading my book at lunch today and the author Gretchen Rubin said something very interesting. She was talking with a friend who asked her if she was going to start therapy. Gretchen decided she was going to use her own methods to get to the bottom of her behaviours to attempt to change them. The way she worded it was she wanted to " discover" what approach she would take on her own. I found that interesting because she is not proceeding with a plan per say , she is just simply working on the things that make her "happy". This is what I have gathered so far anyways, I am just at the beginning of the book. This made me think a little about my own project. We all have ugly truths, things about ourselves that we don't like, even if we like ourselves in general. I think these things for the most part are useful and keep some of us from being arrogant. There are some behaviours though in my own life that I would like to change. I have come a long way from the almost 200lb behemoth that was miserable in her daily life, there are few things that have lingered. Mainly .. fear. I hate fear, its like poison to me, it is my kryptonite when I am being fabulous. I lose perfectly good experiences because I am afraid of the possible outcomes. Most of the time I am pretty good at setting my jaw and just going forward with it. I do try to do one thing everyday that scares me. My very biggest challenge lies in letting my guard down. This is the thing I want to tackle through my project, if nothing else comes of it I would like to be on the other side of it without so many walls. I have found that letting some of my vulnerable bits show has been not only nice, but nothing has bitten me, the world didn't blow up. But it is PAINFUL for me to do.. I have more than likely taken a few moments that might have just been nice moments and picked them to pieces wondering if I was being "silly" I am not just talking about my romantic life either, my professional life I have huge walls, don't want to let them know me because then I lose an edge. Its stupid. frankly it is just feeding the "glass half empty" girl. I even have walls with myself. Hard to explain those ones, but they are things that made it hard for me to let people in. SO my hope is that in increasing the happiness factors in my life, I will live by the rules of my armour. (a necklace bought for me by my best girlfriend before my first lunch with D) Dance like nobody is watching. Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you have never been hurt.

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