Wednesday, March 27, 2013

My happiness Project day 15. ~ i am a silly girl~

I read a quote about 10 minutes ago and it was enough to make me want to post. It read, "Stop letting your history control your destiny" I have no idea who said it , but truer words have ever been spoken. I am a huge advocate of living "forward" because that is the way you are heading, but our past lives shaped us to who we are today. I had a huge example of that in my own life today, I questioned D on wanting me around or wanting me "separate" from the other parts of his life. This was beyond ridiculous, I knew the answer, I knew as soon as I hit send that I wished I hadn't. I am not over thinking this but I believe in some ways it pertains to my happiness project. I can not let my history control my destiny, but in that moment I was. I was basing that on the person that went before, ( Mr X, remember him?) his favourite trick was to have me in one box and an entire life in another box. The difference being my gut knew it at the time. I can remember wanting so badly for him to simply introduce me to someone he worked with when I would walk in there an not just let me stand there like an idiot. OR to ask me to do things with the people who he deemed "his friends". I have a person who would never do that. I shouldn't not have given in to the urge to question, but my trust is a thing that is building and building and has cracks in the armour still. Yesterday I mentioned gratefulness, today that feeling is ten fold. Not only did he not get his back up and be a dude about me asking stupid girl questions, he managed to make me feel like a million dollars and the most amazing girl in the world as patiently had the tiny conversation. All without trying and he would have no idea what he did.. but he did. I have no delusions about D being a perfect human being, I am under no delusions that he is unflawed and that there are not going to be times when he might drive me crazy and vice versa. But today , in this day and this moment I am simply stunned by the person that wants to have me in their life. Silly broken girl bits and all. I got off on a tangent.. my point was going forward in my project I am going to give myself a challenge. When I feel history creeping up on me, when I feel the need in any piece of my life to react to something that probably should be left in the past where the offenders keep it. Even if it makes me insane I am not going to act on it. I am going to re-read my sentence "stop letting your history control your destiny" in my mind until I feel like the storm has passed. I am so happy to say those storms are much smaller and farther between than they used to be. DON'T LIVE BACKWARD< YOU ARE NOT GOING THAT WAY. 75.00 in the account.

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