Thursday, February 21, 2013

Settling in

OK, so this week was hard. Period, end of story, this week was hard. I was feeling desperately homesick for my other branch, I missed everyone, even my crappy falling apart desk. It was the familiar I was missing. And my lunch breaks but that is entirely selfish, the company was better. I was just on the verge of sleep Monday night when I sat up and began to sob, not just a little cry, I mean that sob that comes from the bottom of a very broken heart. I cried until I was exhausted and felt a little silly to be honest. I had really not allowed myself to have any sort of real emotional reaction to leaving my comfort zone, or to the fact that I was terrified over the job I was beginning. This have been so good in the other aspects of my life I had been pushing back all the unhappy thoughts and focusing on the fuzzy ones. So yes, I cried my little self right back to sleep and when I woke Tuesday to SNOW outside it was the cake topper for a miserable mood. Then something happened, It was my coffee break and I wandered down the street to a little coffee shop that I used to spend my lunch hours in when I worked at this branch before. I walked in and I was flooded with the a sense of the time I had spent there before. I used to people watch, solve the worlds problems, read , write, it was my sanctuary the same as my car was sanctuary in the branch I just left. I remembered how sad I was when I left here before, the same fear, heartache, and damn near devastation I had felt at leaving these people before. I got my coffee and walked out into melting snow and brilliant sunshine. The scene was so close to a bad movie scene that it made me laugh, walking into the sunshine and all that crap. I guess this will just be the way I feel when I move around in my life, its part of who I am. I am a person who is skeptically of people true, but if I decide that you are OK , I am a person who cares alot. I have been told recently that it can be an endearing quality so I'm just going to go with it. All in all, my life is pretty fantastic right now. I had it all solidified for me today when I went through a job scenario and found myself very excited to be doing something I felt to be good for the person involved. I knew in that space I was never going to sell my soul to the corporation, and I was going to be one of the good ones. So yeah, pretty fantastic. And yes, I am happier than I have been in years So, I am just rolling with all of it. Carpe Diem and all that jazz.

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