Ok well, big news in my world. I got the job I interviewed for. I thought I would be elated but actually I am bone terrified.
It does mean alot of good things in my life, working in town, the ability to work one job, the ability to go to the school functions and have to look into disappointed blue eyes each time I say I can't . Those are the good points.
It's just that I feel a little like I am playing dress up. They have posted my current job and are now accepting applicants, it makes me want to cry. I drove past there last night killing time and stared at my desk through the window. I could hear 2 years worth of laughter, arguments, stressful days and wonderful days. So much changed there. I arrived in that job again, feeling like I was playing dress up. I was 30 lbs heavier, depressed, broke, thinking it was a new beginning if I could just pull it off. I did so much more than pull it off. It feels like leaving a family. A death or a separation.
I have made friends there that are some of the best I have, they will stay my friends but it's not like seeing them every day, sharing the little victories and defeats that come in my professional life.
I I have learned anything though, it's that change comes with growing pains, that usually means that you are still alive. I can remember not being able to feel and I think this is better. Still and all , the next few weeks are going to be hard.
On a plus note though, I just might be happier than I have been in years in my personal life. I am thankful entirely for that.
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