Thursday, October 18, 2012

Anxiety. NOT buyers remorse.

OK, the endorphins have worn off and I am left now with the credit card statement. * pant pant swear sweat* It's funny, all the wonderful financial planning I did in the store and all the brave feelings of " the sky is falling and who cares" seem to be a little distant today. I guess the point of this blog is a bit of a tell all so I wont hold back . I work two jobs. One of which is with a wonderful bank and I love my job . Work there is never really work,. I am pretty blessed for lack of a better word. The other is at a fast food place that I have worked on and off for the last 13 years or so, as I get older (not that I am yet 33) the work does get harder, the kids that are employed there get louder and the maturity level drops marginally each time I go to work. I think this just may be my mood at the end of a 17 hour work day. It is so easy in theory to say " I can work 2 jobs and pay down my debt. it will give me financial freedom and it will be wonderful!" This is hard to remember when you are mopping up the bathroom after the last dirty person made a nightmare of it. Actual fact is that my day job , although it requires alot of brain work, is not physically demanding. I have a great staff and I have alot of fun. The restaurant is more demanding on my body but most days (when I am not there) I am pretty thankful for that , I need the exercise after all. I digress , back to the anxiety over the credit card. It all comes from the fact that I am going away in a few weeks to spend three days in Vancouver. .So when it is all said and done I will have more to pay off than I do now. Duh! Wow that sounds fairly silly to say . I have had three people in the span of as many days tell me that I need to lighten up. I have been told I am terse. that I am in danger of my sphincter growing over, and that I have an extremely high maturity level for a 32 year old ( it was a nice way of saying that I am a little uptight). Should I be worrying over the little things? Some times it seems like I have to figure it out, like I have to get a handle on things just to feel like I have it all together. I think thats why i got fat actually. I think that I gained weight eating whatever the hell I wanted because it was a sense of " recklessness" that was lacking in my life. I don't regret the camera, or the computer for the house. I don't "regret" the booking of my trip for the weekend upcoming. I regret the piece of me that used to go about life without such a bee in my bonnet I think.... I am going to try baby steps today.. going to try not to worry quite so much for the rest of my day and maybe just maybe be happy about going to second job tonight. I am feeling pretty "Venty" today.. might write more later.

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