Thursday, February 9, 2012

Personal battle

OK lets talk about food. Food is my go too, my comfort, the things I watch TV with, visit with friends over, look forward too, celebrate with. Food is always there for me . I am a food addict. I have known this for a long time and although I may not be on a reality show, or in the headlines for being taken on a flat bed to a location for drastic surgery. I am only 180 lbs as compared to alot of 480lb people. I am still an addict. I WILL eat until I feed sick, just to eat more. I WILL get up in the middle of the night and bring a meal back to bed with me. I WILL get shaky and upset thinking that I might be deprived that " snack " that I think is well. The worst part of all of it is that in all my hard working out. I have lost 2 or 3 pounds but not much more, because of food. I have to confess I have twice now, bought a whole bag of chips ( the big ones )and 2 double size chocolate bars and eaten them convincing myself that because I had just finished a workout that the calories didn't count. Then yesterday with the McDonald's on the way home. Today I had Sushi with the girls at lunch. I am like a smoker again except the damage is on the outside. I feel like I want to purge. Not in the bulimic sense but just purge all the junk from my body. I want to see the results of all my hard work . It was easy to start working out. It is hard to give up the food I love. my one " cheat " day a week has turned into everyday. I am starting now. Again. I will try to calorie count and follow a few simple rules. LOW fat. LOW calorie. No sugar except in 2 cups of coffee a day and honey on my oatmeal. I will do this until its easy, and then look at the rest of it. I will NOT spend money on food or snacks.. I bet in the long run I will save money because I think its what I spend it on anyway...It feels good to admit I have an issue, even if its just to me .

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